It Is What It Is...

when life gives you lemons, make lemonade...right?
ok...
sounds good,
but isn't always so easy.

i have felt defeated, crapped on, sad, insane...you name it.
but i've also felt happiness, joy, love...
not as deeply as before,
but its there.
there is a light,
no matter how dim it sometimes appears.

but, just when i think i can't possibly have anything else thrown on top of the heap...
boom!
surprise!
there it is...just one more thing...
maybe even two...
i won't say what it is at this time,
but i know that my real friends will be there for me...
if it turns out to be something.
but lets pray that it turns out to be nothing.

i was thinking today...
do you think that the devil had a talk with God about me?
do you think he said, "let me use her...let me see what kind of fun I can have with her?"
and do you think that God said OK...do what you want for now, because in time, she will know what I do...that she is stronger than the evil in her life.
Do you suppose that its true what is said?
"what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger"
I wonder about it.

I know that my faith has been shaken...and i'm embarrassed to admit it.
I still believe,
but not like I should.
How do I change that?
I understand that things happen for a reason,
but...

wait...
there shouldn't be a "but"...
they do, so you adjust.
you meet them, and go on.
because you have to.

God please give me strength, or help me to see that I have the strength needed to get through everything that is a test to me...so that I can move forward, be strong, and healthy...for myself and my daughters.