How Do I Forgive?

How do I take the next step?
To be able to give forgiveness,
and accept forgiveness...
Between you and me,
I don't think Bruce did everything
because of hatred for me,
or his family.
Do I have to forgive him in order to move to the next level?
Do I need forgiveness in order to move to the next level?
I do believe in God,
and I pray that he will direct me,
to make the right decisions,
and pursue the right path
for me and my children.
I know that I will need help with this.
My head knows what needs to be done,
but my heart won't allow it yet.
I need to figure this out somehow...
to sort through what's left of my feelings...
and find the Janet that has been MIA for so long.
I lived for my family,
and in the meantime,
forgot who I was.
I don't want to feel so lost anymore.
While my kids are my life,
they are only ONE part of my life.
And while I thought Bruce was my life,
it's obvious that he wasn't.
I need to find that place deep inside of me,
that will process what was the last bit of my marriage,
and see that all he did was move on with his life.
Even though,
I think he went about it in all of the wrong ways,
by not giving me the courtesy of being his equal...
his friend...
his wife.
I have to say goodbye
to what was,
and hello
to what will come.
My children deserve it.
And so do I.