Emotions are Running High

Here's the thing.
I don't think anyone fully understands just how I am feeling inside.
Yes, many of my friends have gone through a divorce...through the pain of infidelity...and yes, they have been greeted by a new life on the other side.
And for that I am grateful.
They deserve to be happy.
But it just seems for me, that it goes on and on and on...
I see no light at the end of this tunnel.
I want to be happy.
I want to be thrilled with life.
I want to be crazy in love again.
I want so many things.
If it were as easy as they say to get a divorce, then I would be divorced by now.
Unfortunately, that is not going to happen for me.
I have been blamed for things that I haven't done.
I am being accused of things that are absolutely ludicrous.
My children have been told things about me that were completely unacceptable, and untrue.
And I am the one who is supposed to keep her chin up.
Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
Well, I know that...I realize what needs to be done.
But I am so exhausted.
I am so tired of this.
When people divorce, is it really necessary to inflict such emotional pain on the one person you used to care the most about?
I don't understand it.
And I know I probably never will.
So then, why can't this just be done, and go away, so we can heal?
And move on.
I am feeling broken.
So disgusted.
And feeling so lost.